Monday, June 17, 2013

Why I Love Drag Queens

I have body dysmorphia.

It's not surprising.  I'm fat, and I've been fat most of my life.  I was also on diets through my childhood (pudgy little seven year old Trudy didn't understand why she couldn't have a PopTart, or why she was taken to a dietician, or why she had to have blood work done - CRY FOR ME, dammit!).

Whenever I pass by a mirror, I'm instantly shocked by what I see.  Yes, it's me, but still surprising.

Blah blah blah, pop psychology, blah - I don't feel at home in the body I inhabit.  When I was younger (maybe even just a few days younger), I had fantasies of taking a pair of scissors and cutting off my belly rolls and arm fat.

The image of me in my brain doesn't match what I see in pictures or the mirror.  It's not hugely different.  Well, it is, but only when you take the word huge literally.  Drop about 200 pounds, and that's the real me.  That, and better hair and less oily skin. 

RuPaul said, "You're born naked.  The rest is drag." That totally rings true.  The me inside doesn't match the me the world sees.  Inside, I'm a powerful woman.  I put the POW in powerful.  Outside, I'm a disgusting mass of cellulite, scars, and stretch marks.  Rarely does someone see past the physical to the sexy, flirty, funny, smart, and enticing WOMAN inside.  So, you pile on the costume that will help the rest of the world understand what you are inside.

Fat women are completely desexualized (except by fetishists) in society to the point of not even being viewed as women.  In order to have the feminine label applied to them, they need to take it to the extreme and caricaturize womanhood.  Big boobs, big hair, lots of makeup - that's a fat WOMAN.  Otherwise, we're just fat.

Enter, the drag queen.  While queens can be fishy (which just means hard to distinguish for one who was born a woman, for those not in the know), they do not aim to be mistaken for women.  They are in-between, painting the image of a woman in broad sweeps (BROAD sweeps - hahahahaha!) across their bodies. 

In most circles of gay culture, they are not even sexualized.  Gay men love men.  Drag highlights the most feminine parts of femininity.  Get it?

Most drag queens were outcasts growing up.  They have the same longing/outcast/picked on stories as any fat girl.  Unrequited love, no friends, wanting to be anyone other than who they were.

So, you know, I can relate.

Instead of turning that shared background into a big pile of sad (like most fat women), drag queens get fierce.  They are great role models for big girls.

Also, drag is an area where being thick doesn't mean being less-than.  Some of the best, funniest, positive, and most loved queens are the larger ladies (can I hear it for LaTRICE ROYale?).

Lastly, and this is important, drag queens have the best beauty tips.  I don't mean you should be painting your face like a queen (for a daytime look), but they know what products last, how to blend, how to highlight and contour, and how to use their face like a canvas.  They know what clothes will be most flattering and how to give the impression of an hourglass figure. 

I love drag queens because I am a drag queen.

I'm just super fishy.