Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Fat Chicks Totally Get Laid

So, one of my best buddies is a thick girl.  Like, she's not an in-betweenie; she's a full-on plus size lady.  However, she has never had a lack of male and female attention (she's straight, but so cute that the ladies can't help but try).
Girl has gotten mad laid, and the guys interested in her are HOT (like, damn, that boy is FOINNNE!).
Until I met my husband, I never experienced that. 
I mean, I'd get the occasional suitor who I had little to no interest in.  But, nothing I wanted any part of.  I always attributed it to my girth, but I look at her - who has dates pretty much every week and is hit on daily - and question that. 
So, when I was a little fattie, I got crushes on boys just like every other girl did.  However, if the boys I liked ever found out I was interested, they were so disgusted (how many times do I have to ask you to CRY FOR ME - dammit!?!).  Through the years, I learned to never express interest in anyone.  Whenever someone did end up getting a hint that I was interested, I'd deny to the ends of the earth.
And I think that's it.  I never really learned the flirting stuff.  When I finally would express interest, it was done all weird and creepy-like. 
(me, being weird and creepy to the camera)

When Jon and I met, all rules went out the window.  I mean, I was totally creepy the first time we tried to date and completely ice the second time, but he was persistent enough to get through that.

But, it's not a woman's body that keeps men in or out of her bed, it's her.  It's everything about her.  My friend - regardless of her fluctuating size - has people doting on her continually.  She knows how to tilt her head, be cute, flutter eyelashes, put her hand on guy's shoulders - all of that stuff.  She knows how to wear sex like it's body spray.  She doesn't put up walls, and she uses her feminine wiles enough that they're not dusty or stiff from disuse.  Lessons I probably could have used in my single years.

Now that I'm married, I have more sex than I know what to do with.  So, maybe my awkward courting was more effective than I give it credit for.

Plus, he doesn't mind when I creepy flirt.  He maybe prefers it.