Monday, May 20, 2013

Summer Dressing for Fatties - Trudy's Opinion

Summer is hell when you're fat, fersher.

A lot of us fatties like to pretend that we have no more problems than a skinny person in the summer, but that is simply not true.  We have to contend with chub-rub, folds of skin touching each other, extra sweat, being told to put more clothes on - there are ISSUES!

In Michigan, summers are hot and humid.  Also, there's no telling when summer will start.  We have this period where shorts and hoodies are worn at the same time.

Here's my list of summer best practices.

First, full coverage cotton panties!

Whether or not they're attractive/trendy/flattering is debatable.  The fact is, the cotton will help wick away the sweat so it can dry, and the full-coverage will help contain the belly fat/FUPA (fat upper-pussy area, for those of you not in the know).

Of course, there are exceptions.  For example, if I'm somehow feeling all sexy-like through the record-highs, I may slip on some lace panties or even go panty-less for some summer hanky-panky.  The downside to lace or sans-undergarments is that sweat runs down my legs, unabated.  Gross.

Just wear the cotton panties.  Some people have a plain, cotton, high-waisted panty fetish.  Who knows, the person you're doing it with might be into them.

Second, DRESSES.

So, here's the thing - once upon a time, when I was wearing a skirt in the summer - some kids yelled out of their car window, "Fucking put some pants on, you fat bitch."

From then on, I did not show my bare legs.  When I wore skirts, it was only with tights or they had to be maxi skirts.  It was typically jeans - even in the summer.  By the end of the day, the jeans were damp and gross, and I'd need a second shower.

Last year, after absorbing the teachings of Ms. Leslie Kinzel (Seriously, start reading her.  Buy her book.  Absorb her confidence and belief that she doesn't have to live like a second-class citizen.), I decided to buy a few summer dresses.

Dude!  I am totally hooked.  90% of the time, you'll catch me in a dress for the summer.  You'll see my white-white-white legs (fat and white and slug-like!) poking out of the bottom.  I'll caper and skip and walk and all of the fun summer stuff.

Cotton sundresses are nice, because - like the cotton panties - they wick the sweat.  And it's just one article of clothing, and it's done!

Well, sort of.  I'm still working on being OK with my arms.  Right now, it's two pieces: my dress, my shrug.  While I work on not being disgusted by my arms, I'm in search of short-sleeved dresses that will look good on my shape.  Here are a couple of options I'm scoping out.

I have a love-hate relationship with Torrid.  I like the options, but I hate how short the dresses are.  I love the designs, but I hate the price point on what is - essentially - disposable clothing.  I love these dresses, but I hate that there are no reviews.

Old Navy has these options.  My trouble with Old Navy is that sizing is always fluctuating, and their garments often fit oddly.  Luckily, I sew.

We also have Simply Be.  Simply Be makes me nervous for a couple of reasons.  1. I've never ordered from them, so I don't know how they fit.  2. Their stuff seems short!

However, they're my current dress favorite.

So, chub rub.  There are all sorts of tricks for it.  Vagisil powder gel, bicycle shorts, Goldbaum.  I get by (and my thighs rub so much they're practically fused like a mermaid tail) with corn starch.  In the summer I corn starch my thighs, my FUPA, under my boobs, my love handles.  I'm a big powder puff.

One final thing about summer - sweat.  People sweat, and fat people have more places where the sweat will breed bacteria.  If you're going to be out all day, carry some baby wipes.  No one wants to stink. 

Don't let being fat prevent you from enjoying the summer months.  We spend all winter wishing for warm weather, so take advantage of it.