My Hair Is Stupid and Will Never Change

My hair is jacked.

So, I cut bangs - which is fine. I got tired of growing them out, and cut them. Bangs frame my face correctly so the top widens, and I don't look like a pear on a body. It was impulsive, but - after a billion bad bang jobs - I finally figured out how to cut bangs perfectly last year (which is something I've found not all hair dresses can do). So, fine. Whatever.

Here's the problem: I still haven't done anything with the rest of my hair.

Historically, long hair with bangs has been HORRIBLE on me.

So, because my hair is thin (and FOINE!), length sucks any volume right out and hugs the hair to my head.

Right now, I have hair that's almost touching my shoulders. I also have an ombre that used to be purple and is now bronze-y and about a year past its expiration date.

The best part of the ombre is the damage it gave the bleached parts, which helps with the volume - though it's frizzy, dry looking volume (I don't use conditioner most days because of my fine and oily thing, just some spray detangler and a mask once a week).

I know I could and should get a cut, but with my length and the bangs, it'd leave me with the same style I've sported for almost a year: bangs with a bob. I was really hoping for a change.

On the bright side, I have tons of new growth - like everywhere!!! Thank you fixed thyroid!

I wanted to see if the new growth would make a difference in whether I could pull off long hair and bangs. I think it's still too short (about two inches) to make much difference.

I guess I'm off in search of a haircut today. Stagnation in hair in the pursuit of change.

Maybe I'll add in some thick, inch-wide, blue streaks. Maybe.

My Aunt Flo Hates Me

It's been well over a month (maybe two?) since my first/last epic period, but the bitch is back, and I've started again. Here's hoping it's not as insane as the last one.

Periods for women of size can be weird. So many of us have various issues - endometriosis (where menstrual lining forms in places other than the inside of the uterus) and Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS for short) being top among them - that either cause or are caused by weight gain, that when we bleed or ever stop bleeding is a crap shoot. Also, just like with our peers at the opposite end of the weight spectrum - the anorexics - our periods may just stop happening until we're a less extreme size.

So, my period disappeared for about a year this time. It happens (to me) on a regular basis (ha! regular). In May(?), I got my first period in a while, not surprisingly after I finally got on my thyroid medicine and regulated my blood sugar. It was the worst I'd had in about 13 years (the other time it was like that was also after I was put on thyroid medicine). It was severe enough that my husband and I debated whether I needed to go to the hospital.

I missed my period last month, but appear to have started again. I'm hoping it's not as bad as the one in May.

I'm also losing weight, which means I'm beginning to worry about pregnancy. My husband and I have both been wishy-washy about whether we want children, which has been a non-issue because I am so extremely fat and not having periods - which means pregnancy is way unlikely. Add to that the scars over my uterus (that's a story for a party!), and we've not really had to worry about protection or pregnancy.

However, with lowering numbers on the scale (I weigh myself everyday, and it's been my biggest motivator) and the resurgence of my menstrual cycle, it's something we might have to rethink (maybe - losing weight doesn't get rid of scar tissue).

Regardless, my period gives me the balls to issue myself a cheat day. I'm making chicken nachos (with homemade tortilla chips and fresh salsa because I'm not some insane person looking to ingest preservatives and shit) for dinner, ate some homemade shortbread cookies (11 grams of carbs each) and might even have a homemade fudge-cicle (11.75 carbs each with peanut butter, banana, and almond milk). I'm going insane!

Where You Been?

So, absentee blogger makes an appearance.

Laziness? Uninspired? Busy at work?

Yep!

So, quick update: my dog eats cat poop like it's her job, and we only found out because she brought some in to share.

She found us somewhat ungrateful and decided to eat it herself. When we tried to pry her jaws open and get it out, we found it just smeared inside her mouth. We've since noticed that there's no poop in the litter box, so Goldie's doing her part to keep our apartment odor free!

I finally got a dangerous low blood sugar reading! Mission accomplished.

Lost 9 pounds in two days! I think intestinal issues (gross, not talking about it!) are to blame.

My job is once again challenging me, which is good. I spent a long time kind of coasting. I changed management, and am now being stretched. Means less Netflix time, though.

I'm looking through possible fall clothing purchases. The only time I get happy and excited about buying clothes is in the fall. Summer is more a time of wearing as few clothes as possible without being gross, and winter clothes are like fall clothes with more layers.

But Fall!!! Tights and boots and cords and jackets. More layers equals more fashion!!!

So, first up by SimplyBe.

http://www.simplybe.com/new-in/boucle-skater-dress/invt/rm581gw/

While the description calls it a summer dress, I'm loving the look with a stiff white dress shirt (maybe with a tuxedo collar?) and some tights and a pair of creepers. It's completely something I'd wear in high school - and not because I went to a private school. I just wanted to go to one.

http://www.simplybe.com/new-in/woven-bird-print-day-dress/invt/mb237gw/
While the cut may be a little dumpy in the waist, it's kind of an effortless look. The description also mentions the ability to tie back to adjust.

SimplyBe's last new dress is this one:

http://www.simplybe.com/new-in/victorian-lace-trim-dress/invt/pk469gw/
OK - disclaimer, I would never wear this. Not because of the dress, but because of me. I would make a mess out of it. Stains and dinginess - it's not the dress for me.

But it is a great dress! Frothy white lace. Pair it with black tights and some ankle boots? Super cute.

I don't have any other new dresses I want, because other sites haven't gotten any new fall clothes. Get on it, guys! SimplyBe isn't just fashion-forward, they're efficient. Or maybe, since they're based in England, it's just already getting cold.

Also, working on some new makeup looks for fall to go along with my bangs. I'm thinking some smudged brown eyeliner and a dark lip. Yeah, no, been done to death?

Puppies, Exercise, and Ice Cream

Life gets hectic, and I want ice cream.

Last week, my husband and I adopted a dog.

Goldie's story is really sad. She was a rescue dog, and from wherever she came from (we think she was a breeder at a puppy mill), she was shuffled to two other homes before landing with us.

This is my first dog, really. I had a few unsuccessful puppy attempts in my past that made me really reluctant when it came to committing to a dog. Guilt and sadness and regret - it pretty much always ended that way.

But, browsing Craigslist, the ad jumped out at me. I sent it to Jon, and he immediately emailed.

So, she's a well-behaved grown-up dog, but I don't think I was prepared for the life changes that go along with having a dog. Guinea pigs and cats are a completely different world from dogs!

So, this may have been the best thing to ever happen to my diabetes. I take several walks a day. Which is causing my blood sugar to crash. I'm trying to not eat extra carbs to make up for it and, instead, to let myself get low-lows so they'll lower my dosages. Because, you know, I don't want to be medicated.

But, but, but!

All I want is ice cream. Specifically, pralines and cream. Or Heath shakes from Steak and Shake. Or! They have a new salted caramel and pretzel shake there. Yum.

So, my blood sugar is OK, but it could be lower. I could be lowering my insulin intake. I COULD BE LOSING WEIGHT.

Goldie is awesome, but sometimes I want to escape her. Jon and I take rides. To get ice cream.

I have a scale coming soon. Something that will tell me whether I'm putting weight back on, taking it off, or maintaining - instead of letting my paranoia reign.

The biggest struggle with eating is wavering from my routine. Goldie, Jon, and I are working on forming a new pattern for our lives. I just need to put healthy eating back into the equation.